how it felt-- exactly.

And I quote Okri's 'In Arcadia'

"If you believe in something, your very belief renders you unqualified to do it. Your earnestness will come across. Your passion will show. Your enthusiasm will make everyone nervous. And your naivete will irritate. Which means that you will become suspect. Which means that you will be prone to disillusionment. Which means that you will not be able to sustain your belief in the face of all the piranha fish which nibble away at your idea and your faith, till only the skeleton of your dream is left...

The world--which is to say the powers that be--would listen to your ardent ideas with a stiff smile on its face, then put up impossible obstacles, watch you finally give up your cherished idea, having mangled it beyond recognition, and after you slope away in profound discouragement it will take up your idea, dust it down, give it a new spin, and hand it over to someone who doesn't believe in it at all.

That's the world. Take it from me."

josko! ayun. yun nga. korek. hey, if one day I see Okri on the street--take it from me--he'll sure freak out, but that won't stop me from giving him a 'haypayb' (high fives, yeah!).

this goes out to anyone who started out idealistic, motivated and full of energy, only to end up disappointed, disenchanted and mangled.

group hug tayo. haha.

excuse me...

Are you *my* missing link?

matte face? check.

black hair? check.

pale skin? check.

(possible) brown eyes? check.

friendly presyo? check.

NEO Blythe Prima Dolly Tokyo

[ Face Type ] Fairest

[ Skin Type ] Natural / Matte

[ Make-up ] Eye shadow- none, Lips- pink, Blush- none

[ Eye Color ] blue (right), purple (center / special color), green (left), and pink (center)

[ Hair Color ] black

[ Nails ] No Enamel

[ Earrings ] no earrings

[ The set includes ] Doll, dress, sunglasses, boots, underwear, and stand.
Scheduled release date: June 2009

Limited edition of 1500 dolls

Turon

Nagluto ako ng turon for breakfast today. or brunch. depends on how you see it.

May lakad kami nang hapon, at syempre kailangang tumawag ang landlord namin an hour and a half before, to inform us that he's sending someone to get our exisiting dining set and sofa #2. Yeh, matagal na namin kasing hinihingi na kung di naman nya mapapalitan yung dining set ng mas maayos, tanggalin nalang nya yung dining set nya, nang di namin sya sisihin pag may isa sa aming bumula ang bibig sa tetano. Pinakuha narin namin yung sofa set nung may-ari, kasi meron naman kaming isa pa, yung puti (yellowed. hehe) na sofa na minana ko pa sa aking pagkadalaga (naaks, as if matagal na yun eh noh). Umalis kami ni Jay ng bahay chuckling on our way out, 'Baka pag pumasok sina Chet memya, mag panic yon-- 'Nalooban tayo!''. Haha.

Hemingweys--mabalik tayo sa turon. Big deal ito sa amin kasi dito, hindi nabibili ang turon sa kalye, at kung kelan mo lang mapag tripan. Isang buwan ko naring pinag iisipang mabuti itong turon project na ito, at minsan ay minumuni-muni ko pa kung paano ito gagawin. Kaya mega feeling accomplished ako kanina habang isinasabay kong kainin ito with mah coffee. Eto ang kung paano ko ito ginawa:

Turon (banana fritters, Filipino style) for the grocery goer:

Note: nilagay kong grocery goer, kasi hindi lahat tayo ay biniyayaan ng palengke na malapit lang sa atin.

-10 pieces banana, either 'saba' or 'lakatan' (NOTE: since I dont frequent wet markets, where I could buy the saba variety, I used Lakatan instead), peeled and halved (vertically and horizontally)

-1 cup jackfruit (nangka), ready to serve and shredded vertically (into strips) (NOTE: you can buy those canned jackfruits nalang. nakakaloka naman kung di mo mood pagpaka-piyesta, and you end up with jackfruit to last you for 2 months)

-1/2 cup brown sugar, leveled on a flat serving plate

-lumpia wrapper (spring roll wrapper, with or without egg)

1. Look for a frying pan deep enough for semi-deep frying. Start heating pan with oil enough to cover half the bananas.

2. see if your bananas are moist. if not, get them a bit wet by sprinkling water on each.

3. sugar- roll each moist banana to preferred coating (thin coat lang sana, diba)

4. place the rolled banana in the middle of the lumpia wrapper

5. accompany it with few strands of jackfruit.

6. finish up rolling the wrapper, with both ends tapered just nice--not closed, just together in the middle for both ends.

7. once the frying pan is hot enough, dip the fritters and cook for 5 minutes on both sides.

8. use a steel colander to stack the fried fritters vertically (and to hopefully--get rid of the excess oil).

9. let them cool for some time. Mainit yan, pramis.

enjoy! serves 4 hungry people. several times. :)

real women multi-task

things I've been up to, these days:
1. wake up 'a bit late' for work.
2. google for phd scholarships under the key words: pinoys+migration studies+political science+want to do it in geography instead+tax free+deadlines not past YET. ugh.
3. lookup the erasmus mundus website at least thrice a week (just in case they announce applications early)
4. 'water' my employees at restaurant city, make sure I dont end up with 'wasted' pumpkins at Farm Town
5. prepare proposal number two, just in case number one doesn't make it.
6. call up this raket-giving institution which I will be doing a freelance project for, just to remind them that I am still doing this raket for them, and I need to get paid once it's all done.
7. do cartwheels for my boss ( i know--so hard. haha)
8. edit journal articles, books chapters, presentations and what have yous, and provide other things to make these babies look good--like, i dunno--read everything (format guides, manuals and other unnecessary but important (to get the context) articles cited.
9. SPSS* till kingdom come
10. make plans about our Euro trip. (yey!) this includes getting creative with spreadsheets, as budgeting the 'unknown' (money) is tricky.
11. gripe about life. be worried that this career Im into may not be one that's meant for me.
12. be bored. contemplate on getting a television set.
13. window shop for television set.
14. decide to get one for christmas.
15. repeat.

and I do these things all at once. cos Im a woman. that's why. :)

trivia:
*SPSS, now known as PASW (Predictive Analytics SoftWare) is a computer programme used for statistical analysis. It was founded by the political scientist Norman Nie and two computer scientists Tex Hull and Dale Bent. (pota. ang geek alert.)

In focus: Actionsampler

(above: 'baby you're the best' -rasc 'o9)

Actionsamplers are rebels.
They don't like norms.
while taking pictures usually require people to stand still,
actionsamplers want you to jump. or run. or just keep on moving.
but it wouldn't impose either.
don't move--freeze if you want to.
whichever way you want it--
it will get 'you'.
in fours.

the paa-shot. ever.
jogger-ned.
indoor shot with Clarisse. no flash. tapang ni ninang. hehe.
autobots, transform.

lolo max.

footsie + shadows =love.

ay pota

ang mahaba kong post, mukhang di na publish. bgla nalang nagpunta sa home page eh. tapos nung ni-click ko yung blog page, kinailangan ko ulit mag log in. pota. wala na sya. di ko din na-save. hindi na ba gumagana yung auto draft posting chenes ng multiply. argh.

naiirita na ako. hindi na nakatuwa itong pagbabagong anyo na ito.

first love never dies (a.k.a. ikaw na ang magbigay ng title pag jologs mode ka)

dediketed to my future children.

I've been catching up on my reading.
Yun pala ang epekto nang walang TV sa bahay. haha.

I love to read. I discovered this cheap thrill when I was five. At ang instant favourite reading material ko ay Readers Digest, lalo na yung section na 'Laughter, the Best Medicine' at 'All in a Days Work'. Aba, niyayabang ng nanay ko yan--I may be laziest and most careless kindergarten student (5 yrs old=kinder) she's ever met, but it's undeniable that I can lap up reading materials such as this. Siguro alam na nyang weirdo ako, maliit palang ako.

When my mother passed away, she probably took the RDs with her. Yung buong subscription. By that time I have ventured into other books and playmates. By then I made friends with Jessica, Elizabeth and Todd Wikins from Sweet Valley. Mula SW Kids to university yun-- nagkapalit palit na sila ng boy friend, at nag asawa na. Mag susyalera ang mga kaklase ko nun sa St.Paul's Pasig, kaya nabuhay ako sa pahiram hiram at book swaps. I left Sweet Valley at the age of eight, probably right after my mother's passing, followed by our relocating to a new life in Laguna. Grade four ako nung na-discover ko ang adult books stash sa bahay (nothing to do with adult as in bastos ha). May mga libro (tulad ng Danielle Steele) na mukhang off limits, at saka ko nalang malalaman na siguro kasi madaming hubaran at lovey-dovey dito. At dahil sa mga off limits na yan, iisang libro lang (yata) ang puwede kong basahin, at iyon ay isang hardback copy ng 'Memories of Midnight' ni Sidney Sheldon. Josko, tuwang tuwa ako sa libro na ito. Habang ang mga kaklase ko ay panay 'Nancy Drew' at 'Hardy Boys' ang sina submit na book reports, ako ay taon-taong nagbibigay ulat tungkol sa iba ibang nobela ni Sidney Sheldon. Nandyan ang vengeful na 'Rage of Angels', 'The Other Side of Midnight' at full of inspiration na 'Master of the Game'; ang ambitious na si Lara Cameron sa 'Stars Shine Down', ang tatlong madre sa 'Sands of Time' at madami pang iba. Buti nalang at binasa ko si Sheldon bago si Danielle Steele (actually, wala pa akong Danielle Steele na natapos, at inaantok ako sa kanya). Hanggang ngayon, Sheldon is still my favourite tabloid writer. harhar. Although I have to admit--mas okay yung mga nauna nyang novels, kesa sa mga bago nyang sinulat, tulad ng 'The Sky is Falling' or 'Are you Afraid of the Dark?'. Parang nung binasa ko yung dalawa na yun, alam kong retirement-mode na sya (by the way, he died last 2007, bless his soul). Bukod kay Sheldon, ang isa ko pang gustong manunulat ay si Grisham. Siguro sya at si Ally Mc Beal ang nagkukumbinsi sa akin nung mga panahon na yon, na mag abugasya. May Grisham collection din ako, kasi si Jay--knowing that I love to read, would buy them for me when he was already in Singapore, at struggling college student ako sa UST. He'll usually send them to me in bulk, and I usually read them on summer vacations. My favourite Grisham novel will have to be 'The Partner', kasi astig ito masyado. Kwento sya ng conspiracy at deceit at long term strat planning. Umaga na akong matulog nung binabasa ko ito. Then, there's Stephen King-- na pota, salamat sa kanya at ni celebrate ko ang pasko nung 1997 na takot na takot. Christmas vacation kasi nung sinimulan ko ang 'IT'. Madalas akong magbasa sa madidilim na lugar (bad habit), at dahil dyan tinakot lang naman ako nitong payaso na mental na pucha--nangunguha at pumapatay ng bata. Hindi ako nakatulog ng ilang araw dyan, leche sya. Mula 'nun, he became an instant favourite. I've been reading his 'On Writing' book for a year now. Hindi ako matapos tapos. haha.

I have a new favourite. Si Gaiman. I've only read two of his novels (na ewan ko kung pang-kiddy talaga, kasi medyo disturbing yung ibang scenes. Pero ayun nga sa isang short-story character nya, who are we to purport reality for the sake of 'guarding 'the innocence of a child? Para bang Brothers Grimm, kung saan they had to 'sanitise' the stories for the children, therefore not giving the real story): The Graveyard book and Coraline. The book I'm reading right now is his collection of short fictions: Fragile things. Nag eenjoy ako sa mga nabasa ko so far. Of those I've read, eto ang mga highly recommended:

1. a study in emerald
2. october in a chair
3. My Life -pwedeng pang monologue!
4. Sunbird

Okay. Tama na, at mahaba na ito.
p.s. to those who may have come across this post, and have nothing better to say or do (granted that surprisingly--you actually read this through and through)...your 'so what?' is welcome. :) it's just that I wanted this thing to be written down, for future references. Probably not for you, but for someone who may see value in this the next time she/he needs to know more about his/her mother (ako yun). :)