Nah, Im not.
Im an M.A. (to be precise, M.Soc Sci—tandaan mo yan, Lando. At magiging Duktor din ako baling araw. Doctor of Philosophy, gedemet)
I have two cousins who are, by the way (‘single and willing to mingle’ daw--ikaw na ang mag punchline).
Going back to my M.D. 'thing'--i seem to create this impression (yes, aside from my goody-two-shoes-ness) that Im a medical practitioner, or probably a student of the biological sciences. Thanks to my family history of different illnesses ‘all in the family’, and my very wide and weird reading scope, I ‘seem’ to have picked up a couple of general if not oddly specific information that has continuously kept me in dreamy states on long bus rides.
Case #1: When I was 11, I had to accompany my baby brother to the loo (to make number 2). He was 2 years old that time, and sometimes I think he can’t seem to do it. What I usually did was open the faucet a bit, and just let the water fill the bucket. It creates this rhythm which ‘Ive read’ eases the tension and stress incontinence creates. My mom noticed this one time and asked me why. After explaining to her, she gave me this very funny look, similar to when I told her the other time that ‘during’ blackouts, and my brother is crankier than ever, its better to get the baby inside in the car. Not only because its air-conditioned (and I dont need to fan him using the abaniko—tamad!), but because an enclosed automobile with its engines on simulates the womb. Its very comforting, ‘kaya nga po madali tayo makatulog pag nasa kotse’. Well, she followed suit, so I think I am a credible source.
Now, where’d I get that? There was this very glossy, sophisticated looking ‘everyday biology’ book at National Bookstore that time. The page opened to...eherm—the reproductive system (c’mon! I was 10 that time) I think I got it from there.
Case#2: Eons ago, we were in the car with my friend’s cousin (who’s like eons older than me—hehe), when all of a sudden the cousin blurted out that she can’t take string beans and tofu. I said ‘Uric Acid? Do you have gout?’ What followed was a barrage of further questions—from whether I might want to consider going to medical school instead…blah blah blah…where the heck I knew of such (I think what amazes them more is the fact that ‘at this age, you’re not even supposed to know about such—er, illnesses). Oh man—the look in her face almost convinced me to take up medicine.
Information I got from: someone who complains we’re trying to kill him every time we serve ‘pata sa munggo’, ‘ginisang munggo, toge sa tokwa, kadyos and sinigang with sitaw’ –my dad, of course. The lecture can go on for days, its like getting a specialisation seminar on rheumatology.
Case#3: A month ago, I was talking to two colleagues about this news scoop on the woman who seem to have lost it, and is suing the church over an alleged ‘exorcism gone bad’. I didn’t know of the details, so they had to take turns filling me up on every detail. Being Singaporeans (hehe), they ask you the proverbial question in the end: ‘So, what do you think?’
I said ‘mental incapacity. She’s obviously bipolar.’
They looked at each other and chorused ‘You knew lah’.
Me: Oh, they’ve done some tests already?
Colleague 1: No results yet, but that’s what the Psychiatrist in the interview said.
Colleague 2: You a shrink? Not fair, you’ve heard about it
Wtf? I don’t think so. Now…where’d I get that? Was watching Law and Order SVU the other day. And what are the odds?